Farts (in public)...

Dear readers,
             Today I'm blogging about farts , we all do them so why not? Firstly there's the "tester" fart usually in lifts or elevators, just a small squeak while you work out whether it will be loud or exceptionally smelly. Then you make the vital decision to let it out or suck it in. But when you let it out you look around and worry if people have noticed...if they have, you look accusingly at someone else so you won't get blamed. It's the only way to manage it otherwise it fill you up and you have to let it out.
              Secondly there is the extremely smelly or loud fart that never goes un-noticed, you are one lucky person if there is a dog in the room which can be blamed of the gas bomb. If not, usually the rule is: if you say something first everyone will blame you! This is like social suicide, so say something like " sorry, I need to go early" or you can suffer through the embarrassment...your choice.
               Thirdly you have the "silent but deadly" and this is quite common because people let it out thinking it will be scentless and soundless. THEY ARE ALWAYS WRONG!! Furthermore regretting it afterwards because there is always that person that can track the scent back to the core. Everyone hates that person in this circumstance! Sometimes it might be nice for everyone to just ignore? maybe...
                Next we have the "trumpet" the fart that everyone dreads...Always incredibly loud whether it stinks to high heaven or not. It is appallingly mortifying and no-one wants to be in that situation but we all have been. Let's face it! There is only one more positive look on it...the gas has usually been trapped in your person for a long time and it is a great relief for it to be out in the atmosphere ( though much more so in private). When it is out you can't help feeling so much better, more open  and comfortable.          
              These are the four most common farts, comment down below if you have anymore.
                            Thanks for reading xx
                            Catears out

Hey!

Dear readers (if any),
                       I realise I have started so formal so, Hi! If you haven't bothered to read the title or anything ...This is my first blog. So hello I am  known as Catears, I believe... simply because I will always listen and you see if I don't. I want to be totally honest and this is why I am staying anonymous. You see....there was a valid reason? ;) (winky face).
                        Have you thought about your "New year's resolutions "? Somehow for me they are much more like "Decembers last wishes"...I'm sure I'm not the only one...Most people say to just choose three. But I never seem to keep one for more than three months...maybe I'm the problem? hmmmmmmmmm....but anyone that's enough about me!
                         Did you all have an excellent Christmas? I got horse riding lessons! But the thing is though , I'm kind of afraid  of heights...will that be a problem? I love trekking but that's different from riding the horse properly. Last time they ( an extremely rude lady whom we were paying)told me off for screaming though she expected me to ride a horse on my own after a ten second tutorial .I  hate those people that over estimate me greatly for absolute no reason. I am not hugely unintelligent but seriously not many people can learn to ride a horse in a literal ten seconds. All respect to you if you can but that doesn't seem particularly plausible. Rant over?  
                          Thankyou for reading xx
                              Catears signing out.